Do you dread getting up in the morning? Do you find yourself exploding in anger at the most inconsequential annoyances? Have you become apathetic toward your multiple roles and find yourself completely exhausted and fatigued by the end of the day? Have you noticed yourself being uncharacteristically cynical and negative about life overall?
As members of the "Sandwich Generation," it's not uncommon to experience several or all of these symptoms of "burnout." It feels like we're being pulled in multiple directions and our personal inner resources are meanwhile becoming more and more depleted.
WARNING: It's next to impossible to live a fulfilling life if you're running on empty!
You take care of your kids, your parents, your job, your home, and your volunteer commitments - but what about yourself? Unfortunately, for many, taking time for yourself falls at the bottom of your list of priorities. The lack of downtime, however, is often what contributes to your feeling of being overwhelmed and ready to crack at any moment.
But how do we renew our spirits? If you attend religious services, that hour or two every week probably isn't enough to give you the rejuvenation that you need. In fact, if you're not nourishing your spirit on a daily basis, attending church or synogogue can quickly become one more thing on your "to do list."
So what is the answer? Solitude. We are so accustomed to constant stimulation that we have lost the ability to be alone. Even women that live alone frequently have the television on in the background "to keep me company." The continuous chatter is simply there to fill a vacuum. Solitude is not synonymous with loneliness; rather, it's an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves.
In Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh writes: "When one is a stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others...Only when one is connected to one's own core is one connected to others. I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude."
Ultimately, those who depend on you will benefit because after your time of solitude, you'll re-enter life rejuvenated. You'll bring a renewed perspective on life to all your obligations and responsibilities. You'll be drawing on that inner resource that's been filled to overflowing by taking time for yourself. You need to make daily solitude one of your highest priorities because without it, you can't function as a whole, complete person.
Don't put it off any longer! Schedule it in just as you would a business meeting, a doctor's appointment, or lunch with a friend. Give it the importance it deserves and you will be rewarded with a "full tank" from which you can bless others.
Action Steps:
- Get up earlier than you normally do and take time to relax with a cup of tea in your favorite chair or slip outside and watch the sun come up.
- Prepare for bed a half hour or an hour before you need to go to sleep. Instead of turning on the television, curl up in a quiet corner of the house (this might be your bedroom) and sit with a journal. Your entries can start out with a list of what you're grateful for. Pray and ask for insight into any struggles you may be experiencing. Let them go and know that the answers will come in due time.
- Take a long, relaxing bath or soak in the hot tub gazing up at the stars. Light candles, turn on soft instrumental music, and meditate on the good things in your life.
- Discover a park or special place by a lake or river where you can go to contemplate. The sounds of water especially can bring healing to our souls.
- Go to a bookstore - the kind with the big, over-stuffed chairs where you can lose yourself for hours. Order a chai or latte and enjoy the calm.
There are plenty of ways to create an oasis in our hectic, over-crowded schedules. The key is to make it a priority. Once you start experiencing the benefits of regular times of solitude, you'll wonder how you ever managed before!
Enjoy the journey!
Ask the Coach
Q. How can I juggle the demands of work and family? (Rhonda W.)
Christine: As a mother of five myself, I can certainly relate to your dilemma. The secret lies in knowing your priorities. The fact is that your job can't love you back!
To enable you to spend more time with your family, it's important to take back control of your schedule. Are there responsibilities that you're currently handling that could be delegated to someone else? Are you trying to "do it all?" If you have a home-based business, hire a highschool student to file your papers and maintain your website. Find a teenage neighbor to clean your house and mow your lawn. If they have a driver's license, they might be interested in running errands for you. It sure beats flipping hamburgers!
Do you start off every day with a schedule and a "to do" list? I print out a daily schedule from Outlook where I've blocked off my appointments (including my time for solitude) and then I list the priority tasks for that day and when I'm going to set aside time for each of them in my schedule. Be realistic. If you've got 30 things on your list and only an hour of "freetime"' in your schedule, you can be pretty sure that they're not all going to get done!
Are there commitments you've made that aren't in alignment with your priorities? Learn to evaluate everything by asking yourself, "Is this contributing or taking away from my highest priorities?" There's an opportunity cost to everything. Saying "yes" to one thing always means saying "no" to something else. Choose wisely.
Organize your life with centralized phone lists, a family calendar, and files for special projects or current interests. Use a meal planner and group errands together so you're not making needless trips.
Real freedom comes in knowing your focus and determining what moves you closer to your goals and what is merely distracting you from your objectives. Those choices are individual for everyone, but don't neglect this process. Otherwise, you're at the mercy of everyone else who will quickly find ways to fill up your time with responsibilities that will leave you out of balance. Take back control of your schedule... take back control of your life.