As a mother of four teenagers, I am keenly aware of the characteristics - moodiness, depression, irritability, uncertainty, discontentment, struggling with shifting roles, changing bodies, hormones, and wondering what you're going to do with your life - all signs of moving from one stage of life to the next.
Like adolescence, midlife transition is a period of getting a sense of who you are and establishing your identity. Midlife may be denied, but not escaped. It's a biological inevitability to grow and enter the next tage of development.
Just as adolescence transforms you from a child to an adult, midlife transforms you from who you think you are to who you were meant to be. Midlife is a new birth, a new beginning, a chance to start over.
It would be wonderful if we could avoid the awkward, and many times painful, process of transition, but without it we wouldn't experience the personal growth and understanding that puts us on the path to a fuller, more abundant life.
There are five distinct stages of transition. Where do you see yourself right now?
- The AWARENESS stage is when you finally confront your own mortality and the fleeting nature of life. You realize you won't live forever and you sense the urgency to experience life to its fullest. You're less willing to spend your time in a job that has no lasting value or in a relationship that is essentially unhealthy. You're more selective about the kind of people you allow into your life and have less time for petty concerns.
- The CRISIS stage is a time when you are mourning a loss - a time for facing your emotions and putting the past behind you. Do you find yourself easily irritated or close to tears for no apparent reason? Be careful not to dismiss this as "just hormones." You may be grieving losses you aren't fully aware of yet. Old wounds may be resurfacing. You find yourself trying to take tighter control of your life in an attempt to avoid or deny the inevitable changes that are threatening to throw your life into a tailspin. Regrets or "what-ifs" might be haunting you.
- The SORTING OUT stage is a time for personal reflection - an opportunity for exploring your options and asking questions: deep, introspective questions about your life. You experience frequent moments of insight and hunger for more time alone. You seek more meaningful friendships with people who can share your life on an intimate level. This is likely to be the stage that will last the longest and be the hardest, yet the process will transform you if you trust it.
- The VISION stage is where you begin to feel a renewed sense of energy and enthusiasm for life. You question yourself less - or at least for shorter periods. You desire to start something new: a project, a class, a career, or a relationship. You feel as if an inside voice is saying, "This is me!" If you use your insights drawn from the sorting out stage to formulate a new vision, you're ready for the action stage.
- The ACTION stage is when you feel energized and grounded at the same time. You want to be out in the world, to be a part of something bigger than yourself. You find you have more fun now and play more than ever before. You know what you need to do to take of yourself and you do it. You spend less time thinking about things and more time doing them. You feel a passion about almost everything you do; you feel fully engaged in your own life.
A transition is successfully completed when its lessons are clear, and the external events - as well as the inner turmoil - have calmed down, resulting in an inner peace and a new level of comfort with the woman who is emerging.