Growth and change are part of life. Consider the lobster - they must shed their shell in order to grow!
When it is in warm water and the conditions are right, the lobster begins to literally shrink as it expels seawater and the old shell begins to split in half where the main body meets the tail, and it crawls out. After going through this grueling process, it emerges with a new soft shell and it is forced to stay in hiding for a week or two until the new shell is fortified against predators.
Just as there are many factors that control when a lobster will molt (water temperature, food supply, salinity, availability of shelter, and the depth of water), there are also many factors that determine when a woman will begin to experience the transition into midlife. For some, it's an empty nest, an unfaithful husband, or a life-threatening illness. For others, it's being downsized at work, the loss of a parent, or a profound sense of emptiness. At midlife, in the warm waters of confusion and uncertainty, things begin to change rapidly.
About the time you think your development is coming to an end, you find yourself embarking on a totally unexpected journey of growth and change. Although a normal part of maturing, midlife represents distinctive adjustments for women:
- Losing your sense of purpose - feeling perplexed about the meaning of your life
- Shifting parental responsibilities as children are launched or need less attention
- Awareness that you're beginning to show signs of aging
- Concern about approaching menopause and how it will affect your life
- Behaving completely out-of-character - feeling like a stranger to yourself
- Bewilderment over a "crush" you've developed on someone not even your type
- Neglected talents demanding to be expressed - dreams and desires reemerging
- Boredom with activities that previously held great interest and dominated your life
- Caring for aging parents - discovering the roles are suddenly reversed
- Biological clock ticking - wondering if it's too late to start a family
- Questioning the accuracy of assumptions made years ago about God and faith
Midlife requires us to shed our old modes of thinking and to adopt new methodologies and paradigms in order to understand the changing life circumstances surrounding us. We must understand, act, and adapt to the changes. We must comprehend the changes so that we, as women, can be prepared to embrace this new life. To ignore and refuse to adapt to the paradigm shift results in lost opportunities and wasted resources.
Like the lobster, we must also leave our comfort zones - the familiarity of our old roles, attitudes, and ways of doing things - to try new things. It's a matter of shedding the old, comfortable shell and emerging as someone who is at first vulnerable, a little uncertain, and maybe even still dealing with the pain experienced during the molting process.
Transition, according to Webster's Dictionary, is "a passage from one stage to another, whether gradual or abrupt." Transition by its very nature involves change, and change can be difficult. Change, even by choice, turns the familiar into the unfamiliar, resulting in feelings of fear and inadequacy as you enter unknown territory.
Midlife is a time for reevaluation and not just moving from one year to the next. If you use midlife as a time for readjusting your focus and a chance to start afresh, you'll reduce the apprehension that comes with passing forty and open your eyes to the opportunities that await you.
Maybe it's a new career, a new relationship, or a renewed interest in an old hobby. It might be the time to finally get involved in the non-profit project that has always tugged at your heartstrings. For some, it's the time and resources to attend college and earn a degree. For others, it means taking the time to get into the physical condition that will support you during your later years. Maybe you've always wanted to travel, or speak, or write a book. Maybe your heart's desire is to teach, or paint, or raise llamas!
But you can't get to this new awareness - this new vision for what your life can be - until you do the important internal work necessary in preparation for the molting of the shell that has transported you this far in your journey. And just as the lobster goes into hiding for a period of time, it's also necessary for the woman in a midlife transition to spend some time alone, to reflect and renew until she completes her transition and is emotionally strong enough to face the outside world again. Give yourself this time! Don't be scared of it, ashamed of it, or try to deny it. This is important work that you have to do! Acknowledge it and embrace this opportunity to learn more about yourself. Read, journal, pray. This is YOUR time!
Just as growth and molting are an important part of the development of the lobster, so it is with us! Without molting, the old shell would become the lobster's coffin. Without personal development and growth - and the inevitable shedding of what no longer works for us - we, too, would eventually suffocate and die. Instead, this is your time to break out of your shell and be the woman you were meant to be!