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walterny
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« Reply #435 on: February 10, 2010, 05:57:43 PM » |
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49, I look forward to that day for me. You say it so well. I can't wait for the rest of my life.
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Your wife has an illness from childhood related to a stage of development and her relationship with her parents that manifests as MLC. It doesn't make what she did to you okay. But know it is her illness, not yours. You are a good person. She is reflecting her self hatred, confusion and anger on you
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49andlost
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« Reply #436 on: February 12, 2010, 05:34:10 PM » |
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Well so far things are progressing smoothly...
She is not touching my pension, 50/50 custody, no spousal support, obviously no child support, and willing to split the proceeds from the house in half. I need to take this slowly and one day at a time, but true freedom from the storm is right around the corner...can't wait now. The "D's" are even helping me look for a new place...and they are excited too.
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Found
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« Reply #437 on: February 12, 2010, 06:08:20 PM » |
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Why obviously no child support?
I had 50/50 for 3 months and still got to pay child support. In this state it is based on income of the two parents and the amount of overnights.
My sitch just changed some, so maybe she will "get" to pay some child support.
We will see.
So good to hear your sitch is actually going pretty fairly.
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God has to keep his word, He will do it in his time and place.
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Hurtman
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« Reply #438 on: February 12, 2010, 11:50:41 PM » |
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Glad to hear things seem amicable.
I agree with Found though......I have 50/50, yet I pay $2000 a month to the vampire. Yes, she works....in fact, she makes more than the average family of four by herself.
Get yurs to agree and to write it if you can! The state support laws WILL F%#$ you hard otherwise!!
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49andlost
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« Reply #439 on: February 16, 2010, 03:01:35 PM » |
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I guess I was a wrong and it wasn't obvious... she is not asking at this point for CS. I am a not going to leave my children hanging over any of this and she know it also. If there are extra expenses I will pay my share, I am not a cheap bastard, she knows that and trusts me ... so far  . But the faster I can get this done, the faster I will be a happy guy. I am not going to throw any more emotion toward this marriage, done with that my friends. 49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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49andlost
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« Reply #440 on: February 19, 2010, 11:29:21 AM » |
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Ok all the papers are in to the paralegal, we meet with her next week and six months later I am a free man. Looking for houses this weekend with the daughters and I do believe that I have a good life ahead...for all of you that are still hanging on hoping to turn it around I wish you all the luck in the world. I am done trying and looking forward to divorce....never in million years did I think I would say that. Like you always hear...never say never..  49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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49andlost
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« Reply #441 on: February 23, 2010, 03:44:57 PM » |
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Had a tough discussion last night with the youngest (15) D. She is kind of freaking out because of having 2 homes and having to adjust to all that may entail. I can't' blame her, 2 rooms, 2 house keys, stuff at one place that she needs at the other (clothes, homework supplies, keepsakes, toiletries...)...you all know the drill with shared or 50/50 custody.
I could use some advice on what to tell her and how to alleviate some of these issues that SHE will have to deal with because of her mom and my divorce. As much as I don't want to, should I live as close as possible to XW to make it easier...would that help at all???
Any input would be appreciated...I am going to put my pain and angst aside to make my D's life easier, she doesn't deserve any of this.
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Hurtman
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« Reply #442 on: February 23, 2010, 05:32:30 PM » |
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49,
Hang in there, Bro.
One thing that has helped with my kid's transitions is having a central travel bin that gets brought back and forth. Granted, my kids are younger and may need more help with some of this stuff, but it could work for you too.
In the bin we put all of the items that go with the kids (stuffed animals, sports uniforms, electronics, etc.) no matter where they stay. This has helped keep their lives somewhat consistent. When it is time to transition, the three of us (me and 2 boys) do a mental check list, and put the items back in the bin that they will be needing at their mom's. Also, any homework, permission slips, or important paperwork gets put in there as well. If we, the parents, have any need to correspond about something on the kid's calendar, that may get put in also.
I have gone to extreme measures to try and keep every other aspect at home as predictable and consistent as possible for them. STABILITY.......that is the key they are looking for right now. YOU are the STABLE one!
Not the perfect scenario for any of us, but, hopefully your D can learn some strategies that will help with the transitions.
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praying
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« Reply #443 on: February 23, 2010, 05:34:59 PM » |
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49,
When all this crap went down with me, my kids (especially my 14D) faced these same issues. Once they get a routine down, it will me much easier. I too was freaking a bit, but once I got into the swing of things it leveled out. She has real fears about how to manage all of this "stuff". My adivce is just to help guide her and both of you, you and STBX, if possible, be very flexable when dealing with you kids. Trust me, she WILL leave stuff that she needs at the place when she isn't and you will have to go get it. My D starting leaving things at my (our) home on purpose, so mom would have to come get it. It was her way of trying to "help". We (my D and me) talked and she stopped doing that, at least she stopped doing it on purpose anyway. 49, she's gonna feal a ton of anxiety either way, just be there to listen and help guide her through it all.
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49andlost
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« Reply #444 on: February 24, 2010, 03:53:16 PM » |
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Thanks you guys...
I like the idea of a travel bin or bag or whatever works...the concept makes sense and should help. I also don't want to admit how much watching my kids worry and stress over this makes me so f&*%$^g angry. But I do bite my tongue and try to alleviate their fears of the unknown lifestyle coming up.
I know it will feel better to have this in the hands of the courts after friday. I am ready...
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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49andlost
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« Reply #445 on: February 26, 2010, 02:47:26 PM » |
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Step one today...filing the paperwork. I know that this will begin a new ride at the MLC theme park, one with more twists and turns. But I am strapped in and ready for takeoff. I will keep you posted, leaving Marriedland and headed for Divorcedland. If your old enough... you and I can anticipate this being an "E" ticket ride. Later, 49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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49andlost
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« Reply #446 on: March 01, 2010, 12:25:49 PM » |
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What a shock to the system it actually was.. We met with the paralegal to go over all the paperwork and what we needed to do to get divorced. She had of course prepared documents to file with the courts to begin divorce proceedings. To see our names on official documents  has thrown me backward, I can't seem to shake the sadness and just plain depression that I feel about all of this. I never did enjoy roller coasters, now I know why. I know this will cycle through, but holy shit this is really hard. I can't believe this is happening... 49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Bystander
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« Reply #447 on: March 01, 2010, 12:39:46 PM » |
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It makes it feel more real, doesn't it. It will likely get worse before it gets better, 49, but it WILL get better. I promise.  |
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Gary V.
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« Reply #448 on: March 01, 2010, 01:33:28 PM » |
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Seeing the documents with our names wiped me out. My wife left me on Devember 19 and four weeks later I was looking at a divorce filing. It has been an all-out blitz by her. She wants very little contact and me out of her life. I can't even say anything to her now because of legal issues. The whole thing is frustrating and unfair. The legal system defintely doesn't stand for what's right. I'm lucky in that I have custody of my kids and she pays me child support. I can't believe some of you have to pay. Men definitely take a screwing in these situations.
49, I just want to say I am with you about seeing our names on official documents. It's gutwrenching and represents failed dreams, a failed marriage, and a major life change. Parts of my brain have been shutting down because I can't deal with all of this. I can't remember some things and I go around numb. It's either that or be miserable. It's hard to imagine life ever being good again.
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noidea
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« Reply #449 on: March 01, 2010, 09:57:50 PM » |
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49 and Gary V,
Know the feeling WELL...next week I have to meet with STBX her attorney me and my attorney THIS EFFIN SUCKS!!!! ONE YEAR OF PURE HELL AND NOW THIS if the emotions don't kill me I don't know what will. Not in a million years did I think this would ever have happened to me and my W...I am NOT looking forward to this meeting and especially the emotions that I KNOW are going to follow...IT's like getting set back to the start of this nightmare. Sorry for venting like this but right know it is the only thing I can do...
Peace my friends
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