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49andlost
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« Reply #450 on: March 02, 2010, 03:06:50 PM » |
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Don't apologize for venting, it helps to know what I am feeling is normal...that is why I keep posting...you all help me with this so I can save some sanity.
I am really strugglling all of a sudden with detaching and moving on and I don't know why. Less than a week ago I was resolute that divorce will be a great thing for me and I was convinced I was ready to shut the door and move on to the next stage of life. But my backslide continues today. I have an IC appointment on Thursday and boy do I f*^*#$@ing need it!!!
My heart hurts like it did in the first few months and I am sick of it already. I am so pissed at myself for letting her hurt me again, mainly because she didn't do anything to trigger this response, it is all me letting her back in...like a FOOL!
I am kicking my own ass here, gotta snap out of this...
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Bystander
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« Reply #451 on: March 02, 2010, 06:51:43 PM » |
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It's all part of the roller coaster ride. The key is not trying to SUPPRESS the emotions, but to FEEL THEM and keep going forward THROUGH THEM. Recognize it ... feel it ... but then keep going.  And, in your case, it might help to re-read the first 30 pages of the thread to remind you WHY YOU NEED TO DO THIS. |
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49andlost
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« Reply #452 on: March 03, 2010, 12:13:35 PM » |
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Bystander you are spot on... When you said The key is not trying to SUPPRESS the emotions, but to FEEL THEM and keep going forward THROUGH THEM.
Recognize it ... feel it ... but then keep going. And, in your case, it might help to re-read the first 30 pages of the thread to remind you WHY YOU NEED TO DO THIS. That is exactly what I needed to do. I look back at one year ago, I was living outside my home, feeling like a piece of garbage, not having my daughters under my roof at night, feeling like I was going insane with what had happened... Now I am back in the house, in my bed and reconnected with my children. They are healthy, so am I, I am gainfully employed and life could be a hell of alot worse. I am losing my wife that I loved with all I had. I will recover, people go through much more awful things on this site alone...thank you for the 2X4. But keep it out, I may need it again  49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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DrummerN
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« Reply #453 on: March 03, 2010, 03:01:33 PM » |
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Bystander you are spot on...
When you said The key is not trying to SUPPRESS the emotions, but to FEEL THEM and keep going forward THROUGH THEM.
Recognize it ... feel it ... but then keep going. And, in your case, it might help to re-read the first 30 pages of the thread to remind you WHY YOU NEED TO DO THIS. That is exactly what I needed to do.
49AL just think- if our W felt the emotions back when they were younger and allowed them to be expressed, we might not be going through this with them right now. They might have just gotten through it (and over it!) without or even before us. And yes, seeking employment along with the MLC-W is not something I would wish on anyone! Much like the perfect storm! She has so much to say (use) in her defense about me (although lies), but job seeking is just another piece of ammunition that can be used in my case. It sucks but at least I am in my home and healthy - she is "happy" in her apartment--- for now   . |
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« Last Edit: March 03, 2010, 03:03:43 PM by DrummerN »
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49andlost
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« Reply #454 on: March 05, 2010, 11:31:07 AM » |
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Signed and mailed off the divorce decree today...
One day at a time right?? Ok, here we go with another day then. It will get better tomorrow I hope, and then better the next day and next day and next day...
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Shell Shocked
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« Reply #455 on: March 05, 2010, 12:00:07 PM » |
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And yes, seeking employment along with the MLC-W is not something I would wish on anyone! Much like the perfect storm! She has so much to say (use) in her defense about me (although lies), but job seeking is just another piece of ammunition that can be used in my case.
I can attest to just how fun it is to be seeking employment right now, ON TOP OF divorce... In my case, dealing with a fun little injury too! Sometimes you just have to shake your head and laugh at the enormity of it all. |
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"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
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49andlost
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« Reply #456 on: March 08, 2010, 12:15:59 PM » |
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Inching closer to the other side every day... I went house shopping with the "D's" yesterday and we had a great time. They were very happy to be with dad and looking for a new start really for all of us. I was pleasantly surprised how happy and helpful they were. I have stopped the backslide and moved a little forward and it feels good to be back on track. I know I will probably slip up in the coming months, but hopefully I can catch myself quicker this time and kick my own ass back on track.  I will be going out of town this week for 4 days, it will be a welcome working trip I can tell you. 49andlost |
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« Last Edit: March 08, 2010, 04:11:05 PM by 49andlost »
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Hurtman
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« Reply #457 on: March 08, 2010, 02:37:19 PM » |
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Don't worry......if you can't get your own ass back on track, we'll all help you!! |
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49andlost
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« Reply #458 on: March 09, 2010, 06:18:49 PM » |
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Tonight we sit down for the first time and put the settlement down on paper...
I know that I need to keep my wits about me and not expect complete fairness. I will simply make sure that we get something on paper to start this process. I want out, that is all I will focus on. Taking care of my daughters is all I want to make sure I do. Everything else and I mean EVERYTHING can be replaced.
Any advice would be welcome here, remember we are not arguing about anything...yet.
49andlost
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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Hurtman
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« Reply #459 on: March 09, 2010, 07:23:40 PM » |
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Couple of thoughts for you. Treat this as all business. Try to go in emotionless. Keep your goals (don't forget to make some) in mind, and work your priorities. Big ideas first. Try not to get too detailed right now.
She is your teenage advisary. She will cry foul, get angry, get teary-eyed, slam her fists and call you names. Let her. Keep your emotions in check, and stay on task. You have an agenda!
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49andlost
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« Reply #460 on: March 10, 2010, 12:28:06 PM » |
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Who would have guessed it....she was a no show. So I sat down and did it myself and handed it to her this morning with a smile on my face. I said "I put some #'s on paper so we could get started, let me know what you think." I walked out the door not waiting for a response...I will not let her piss me off ever again. Only I can control who I let hurt me, and it won't be her anymore. 49andlost |
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« Last Edit: March 10, 2010, 03:45:32 PM by 49andlost »
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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49andlost
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« Reply #461 on: March 15, 2010, 11:16:14 AM » |
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What an incredible 4 days away...  It felt so nice to get away from her and not think about her or talk to her for the entire time. Driving home last night I was looking forward to seeing my D's, but not the alien. We have an appt. tonight with the tax man and her comment leaving the house this morning was a snide remark about some "missing papers" and how "we always do this every year and she is so tired of it." Did I fail to mention that she took over the organization and filing of tax documents about a dozen years ago so that this would never happen? The lack of memory for these alien's is something that I find simply amazing, they are responsible for absolutely NOTHING that is wrong in their lives. What a crock. 49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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pexio
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« Reply #462 on: March 15, 2010, 12:27:09 PM » |
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What an incredible 4 days away... It felt so nice to get away from her and not think about her or talk to her for the entire time. Driving home last night I was looking forward to seeing my D's, but not the alien. We have an appt. tonight with the tax man and her comment leaving the house this morning was a snide remark about some "missing papers" and how "we always do this every year and she is so tired of it." Did I fail to mention that she took over the organization and filing of tax documents about a dozen years ago so that this would never happen? The lack of memory for these alien's is something that I find simply amazing, they are responsible for absolutely NOTHING that is wrong in their lives. What a crock. 49andlost One of the best parts of "moving on" is being fully in control and independent to pursue your own destiny: finances, activities, parenting, everything. It feels great to NOT have to consult with or rely on someone else for life's important decisions. Sure, there's a learning curve in having to pick up stuff that the X/STBX used to do, but the reward of independence and self-sufficiency is worth it. |
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DrummerN
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« Reply #463 on: March 15, 2010, 02:18:11 PM » |
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The lack of memory for these alien's is something that I find simply amazing, they are responsible for absolutely NOTHING that is wrong in their lives. What a crock.
49andlost
I just dealt with this today! My W came over to pick up mail (she called first) and funny- now that she doesn't live here nor pay the utility bills (is paying half of mortgage/taxes) starts telling me about closing off doors to save heat, keeping the carpet clean by putting down runners since it has been raining, what I should do about this or that- yet when I ask her about tax info which we "decided" she would give me by March 15, says "oh no, I forgot it- you'll get it by the end of the week". I said now your taking up my time- I have to get the returns done (I offered this year --as I have for the past 32 but might be changing shortly!) The fact that she is paying half the mortgage gives her some anxiety that I am keeping her from pursuing her dreams as I live in the house and am not ready to sell (poor market and all that). She says so you still need the control huh?  ?? SURE! She wants to throw me out to an apt- so I can live in 4 rooms like her and pay rent when I have personal possessions and my furniture right here? Correct- NOTHING she did had anything to do caused her life to be the circus that it now is... |
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49andlost
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« Reply #464 on: March 17, 2010, 03:02:51 PM » |
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The alien has been quiet...too quiet I have a hunch she is up to something, I don't know what it is but something is turning the little wheels in her head. As we are trying to reach a settlement I think she is trying to get the most she can for herself, unlike her initial promises of fairness. Frankly, I won't be surprised by anything at this point. It will be interesting to see how she justifies it. The roller coaster continues... 49andlost |
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My competitive nature wants me to win this battle, but only if that means I end up with a better partner, lover, friend...regardless of who that is. - Me
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