You asked for HELP (for "direction") because your life right now is painful.
Many guys ... who have been EXACTLY where you are ... gave you hard-won, blood/sweat/tears guidance on exactly HOW to extract yourself from this torture and begin to SURVIVE your wife's midlife experience, instead of just EXPERIENCING it.
Your response (like so many -- you're not the only one) ... is to talk about how YOUR case is DIFFERENT.
(My case is different because I almost DIED three years ago and she told me to go to a hospital. My case is different because my wife may or may not have spread her legs to a kid half her age... she may have just been KIDDING about doing him or thinking about doing him.)
WE ARE NOT TRYING TO DESTROY YOUR WIFE ... we are trying to SAVE your life.
Pexio has said this OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN: In order to SAVE your marriage, you must be WILLING to destroy it.
You're not being MEAN when you ask her to choose YOU/THE MARRIAGE over strangers/pondscum/OMs.
YOU ARE FIGHTING
FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, not AGAINST IT or HER!!!
I agree with you: WHO YOUR WIFE IS RIGHT NOW is NOT who she WAS.
So let's say she had CANCER instead of a MIDLIFE CRISIS.
If the doctor tells you, we need to DESTROY those cancerous cells with chemotherapy (but, in the meantime, we are probably going to also kill some nice normal, healthy cells), would you say, "NO ... I cannot let you HARM my wife with your treatment, even though it might (VERY LIKELY
WILL ) save her life?"
You'd say, "Doctor, do whatever you need to do to save my wife's life."
That's EXACTLY what we are saying to you right now, sosad.
We are saying that you have to KILL her desire to continue to pursue Other Men in order to SAVE your marriage.
Just like with chemo, there is a risk. There's a risk that the chemo could weaken the patient and kill her ... or that the chemo might not work at all, and the cancer will spread, and she will die.
The same with anti-MLC therapy. There is a risk that you asking her to CHOOSE will cause her to leave the marriage. Pursue more OMs. But you don't seem to realize that THOSE THINGS ARE ALREADY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Oh, and by the way: Asking her to choose (and then not FOLLOWING THROUGH with detachment, divorce, self-improvement) are like getting diagnosed with cancer, starting chemo, and then continuing to smoke.
I get that your wife is SICK ... but you are WITHHOLDING the treatment that is the ONLY defense that has shown ANY kind of impact. When there is an OM (even the THOUGHT of one, given her past indiscretions), the ONLY thing you can do is detach, set your boundaries, and move forward as if she WILL NOT be a part of your life in the future.
STOP TRYING TO FIX HER and STOP trying to influence your mutual friends.
I don't usually advocate taking the high road (by all means, you should tell the truth when you are asked about it), but you're wasting your TIME & ENERGY if you think building a website to expose all of this is going to help ANYTHING. It's not. It won't even make you FEEL BETTER, because you'll have to be exposed to all that crap again in order to post it.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Just let it go.
