so who is addicted to whom??

[classic]

Lot of talk about the addiction to the OM but are they the only ones addicted???

http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/26/romantic-breakup-similar-to-overcoming-addiction/16019.html

Explains  a lot, not so easy to detach....

Time let's it fade.

[pexio]

Good find classic.  I don't know how much this relates to our sitches since the test subjects were "15 college-age, heterosexual men and women who had recently been rejected by their partners." and we're a bunch of old farts.  Maybe worse, maybe better.  I pretty much down with the whole PTSD thing though.

[classic]

Test subjects:
All reported that they were still intensely “in love” with that former partner, spent the majority of their waking hours thinking of the person who rejected them, and yearned for the person to return.

Don't you feel that description fits???

So what does age have to do with it

[pexio]

Yeah, you're right.  It's probably far, far, worse for us because we've became long-time addicts to our marriages.  Take the FORCED withdrawal from our marriage drug (the REJECTION), and couple that with the BETRAYAL of our W's cheating (the double whammy), it's no wonder that we're all a bunch of PTSD basket cases when we end up here.   

[angel]

It's probably far, far, worse for us because we've became long-time addicts to our marriages.

My first inclination is to think there's a very big difference to being dedicated and committed vs addiction....

Many many many couples are together because they have kids together and are a family.  It no longer has anything to do with being in the throes of new love or romance, and all of associated the brain chemicals that go along with that euphoria.

Thre addict thrives on the high, whereas the couple that have been together for a long time work together to have a decent life, raise kids and have a nice retirement--pretty mundane boring stuff.

When this MLC crap hits, it disrupts the normal family life and throws it into a tailspin. 

Take the FORCED withdrawal from our marriage drug (the REJECTION), and couple that with the BETRAYAL of our W's cheating (the double whammy),

However, Pex you are right about this.  It is a forced withdrawl, and instead of getting the DT's, we get PTSD, and the other weird brain chemicals firing.

[Bystander]

Good stuff.

And I think it was Kez that found an article that says it's harder to let go when you're the REJECTED ONE instead of the REJECTOR.

Gosh guys, even I find this one hard, and I was the one who "broke up with" my x-SIL when she refused to give up her affair partner.

When you force them to make a choice -- YOU or the OM -- and they choose the OM (as my x-SIL did, in choosing the OM over not only my brother, but my parents, my aunt, my husband & me, her parents, and her sister -- who hasn't spoken to her in months), it's painful.

Only time can heal that wound. (A LOT of time....)

[GCMN]

I'll admit, I am probably a little of both. I found myself really missing my old wife yesterday. I don't think that's addiction anymore, because it is not a constant issue. I can get on with life now, whereas in 2008 I was a wreck. She will be hard-pressed to find another man as dedicated as I was.