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Author Topic: 360 degrees later!  (Read 250 times)
MidLifer68
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« on: July 29, 2010, 08:26:24 PM »

I started this journey about a year ago... or that's when I acknowledged it anyway.  To say the least it's been a ride!  The confusion, the anger, the realization of unmet dreams!  OMG!  Somehow I've kept busy with my new college courses that it seems to have put a lot of the transition on hold in a sense..  But the other night I was trying to find something for my eldest son in my journals from when I was carrying him and I started reading them... ahhh the dreams... OMG the same crap that I felt then re: DH is the same thing as now!  Now I finally decided that I'm not crazy!  Well my kids have driven me there, but I know I'm not "making things up" as DH likes to say... he says it's always the hormones.  To me it's a convenient excuse for him to not deal with me in any way.  I think I may start writing down what day of the cycle I'm on when I journal!  Anyway, the same things I was saying about my feelings re: him 11 mos into our marriage to this day 22 1/2 yrs later is still there!  I just fell into the rut of doing the motions... doing what was necessary to survive and get by without shaking the cart too much!  But now I'm ready to turn this cart over!  I'm tired of being taken advantage of like I'm some pc of crap that can just be told to "sit down and color".  But my dilemma is trying to figure out what and how to do anything!  What do I really want to do?  I've tried talking to him about my passion as far as college studies... he says that my aspirations of being a lawyer are "out of reach" and I should do nursing cause it's in great need and there's always positions open.  Like I should again just do what he says.  I am scared to death to be honest!  I've been a stay at home mom for 22 yrs and Ive never done more than work part time.  And even then he's made me quit if it interfered with his schedule of things.  I want to finish school, but I've only just begun, I've got a long way to go! I would like to do phases so I can move my way up the college ladder as well as the corporate ladder.  How do I decide to just leave?  I've got 3 little kids to care for (8,7,6).  I'm tired of being taken for granted!  I have also separated myself from people who I use to think were my friends that only wanted what I could give them... no one ever gave back.  That's not a relationship!  So I'm alone at this point!

Anybody got any advise?  Personal experiences?  I need help finding my way!  This is a new path for me, but it's like trying to find it in the pitch dark with pouring rain... miserable and frightening!

I'm nearly 42 (Sept)
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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2010, 10:37:00 PM »

Hi Midlifer,
Did you manage to get to talk to Christine?  I notice from your previous posts she was going to get in touch with you privately, which is a wiser option on this board.  Also, there is this board run by another who has walked the path. http://womeninmlc.lefora.com/

I can identify with your agitation at the moment and although it might sound nuts, we are coming down from a full moon on Monday night.  This is a time of higher agitation for us who’ve lost our stable foundations for a time.  Worth considering.

The other thing you mentioned was ditching friends.  In this time of turbulence, it’s really important to have a separate barometer than our feelings, in deciding which friends to keep and which to move away from.  Also which information to trust and which to be careful of.
I’ve come to a stock standard measure about toxic friends.  Similar to drugs, there’s uppers and downers.  Downers bitch and moan along with you and can perpetuate your cage of misery, and Uppers latch onto your grievance and stoke your rage, indignance, judgmentalness and self righteous feelings.  They are bad news.  They super-impose their own unresolved conflicts onto your situation and vicarously live out their own anger and vengence.  We must be particularly vulnerable to them.

The good friend will listen to you, allow you to cry and facilitate a quietening within you by encouraging you to look inward and reflect on your inner self without trying to explain the meaning of life according to them.

I know it feels counterintuitive to go inward right now when every cell in your body is wanting to break free and fly away, but I’ve been guided to stop still and go inward to allow my inner self to speak to me in the quietness.  Many of the spiritual and prayerful cultures have these quietening rituals for life phase disturbances, so on that count it’s quite a sound road to take. But it takes an enormous act of will to reigne in the frantic agitated energies... I know!  Shocked
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